It’s an age old practice. Everyone recommends it, so there must be something to it. But what?
I’m no stranger to meditation, though I’d only classify myself as a beginner. I’ve only ever meditating during distressing times of my life, and stopped as soon as I felt better about myself and my situation.
But after investigating into it, I’m definitely going to start again. There’s certainly a reason for it’s antiquity, and I content its something everyone should do, no matter their degree of happiness. Bad situations will always arise, but sustained meditation has the potential to help you through.
The physical and psychological benefits are beautiful.
Physical benefits include:
Improved blood circulation
Lowered blood pressure
A healthy, maintained heart rate
A stronger immune system
Improved control in dealing with stress and anxiety. Meditation decreases cortisol (the hormone that causes stress) production, and maintains lower production hours after meditation.
More restful sleep
Increased memory retention
Increased mental agility and alertness
Having a healthy mindset makes for a healthy body. Trapped stress and anxiety can accumulate into layers around your body’s energy field, and manifest into disease and illness. Meditation can help by releasing these stresses.
Psychological benefits of meditation:
Bodily awareness and acceptance
Increased self-awareness, acceptance, and empathy
Feelings of contentedness with the present
Peace from disturbing thoughts
Revelation of your true self by letting the subconscious mind speak
When you meditate, your mind takes a vacation from all external and internal commotion. By allowing your mind to rest, even for just ten or twenty minutes a day, you’ll come back feeling better prepared to deal with the commotion. We let our body rest when we sleep – we should take our mental well-being into consideration as well.
Now that I’ve explained why you should meditate, I’ll describe how to meditate, for those of you unfamiliar with it.
Find a quiet space and get cozy. It’s best to sit cross-legged, back straight, and palms facing up. I generally stay in meditation until I feel my legs fall asleep. If your back starts hurting, it may be a sign you need to stretch more – or yoga. Since mediation is all about being present and mindful, listen to the pain. Is it trying to alert you of an emotional connection to it?
Start by taking deep breaths. Focus on feeling the air enter and leave your body. Thoughts, feelings, and daydreams might distract you as your mind tries to stimulate itself. Just keep focusing on your breathing, and eventually they’ll fade away. It might take you several tries, or even weeks of practice to clear your mind. All that matters is your will.
I was fourteen, I watched my parent’s go through a hostile divorce. Instead of it
making me cynical towards love, it made me believe in it even more. My parent’s
relationship was just a bad example to learn from. And after a couple dramatic
trial runs of my own (which are a stories for another time), I found Ty.
was just as nerdy and weird as me, so naturally we hit it off right away. Our
opposite traits balanced each other out, and over time we discovered we were
much more alike than previously thought. My relationship with him is the
strongest thing in my life, and for that I am very grateful. I know not
everyone is so fortunate.
first nine months of our relationship were spent apart. I was still in Alaska while
he had moved to North Carolina. During this time we went to Europe. After spending
a whole month with him under some very stressful situations, it was confirmed
that I could handle living with this person. We worked together well. Since
then, I’ve learned a lot of things about living with a significant other. I
think we all understand the significance of having a happy and healthy home
life, so I’d like to share what I’ve learned so far.
first thing I learned is that you cannot treat all the time spent together as
quality time. You’re living together now. There will be chores to do. Petty
arguments will arise. You’ll each want your own space and time. Money will be
an issue. All of these things are okay, given there is constructive, open
don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel. Tell them right away when you’re
bothered by something they do.
you don’t, they will assume everything is okay, and keep doing whatever it is.
This will only serve to build up resentment inside you, and will come out at
the wrong moment. When this happens, they will be confused, wondering why you
never said anything before. Remember, no matter how strong a connection, nobody
is a mind-reader.
your battles wisely.
are little things Ty does that annoys me, like forgetting to close the
refrigerator door, and the way he hangs up towels. I have to remind myself to
let these things go – at least he hangs up his towel and doesn’t leave it on
the floor. Besides, these things say more about me being controlling than it
does about him just being himself. Instead, I let him know what really bothers
me and why. He knows I don’t like it when he spends an excessive amount of time
on his phone/computer, or when he smokes the Juul. Both these things are easily
them help you with chores. You’re not his maid, and he’s not your butler. Being nice is one thing, but having
expectations is another.
each other. Grow together by setting goals. Be encouraging, and offer
constructive criticism when needed.
take each other for granted.
taken people for granted before in the past. It’s one of my biggest regrets, since
what followed was always shitty. With Ty, it’s easier not to because all I have
to do is remember when we were four time zones apart. I missed him terribly all
the time. If you’ve never done long distance before, there’s a trick to put
your appreciation into perspective. It’s pretty morbid, but it works. Just
imagine if they were to die.
go to bed angry. Never.
each other space to cool off. I like to on walks. Sometimes I’ll grit my teeth
and ask him to come with me – fresh air does wonders to diffuse anger. Sending
each other pictures of fond memories together is another good tactic. It helps
to remind each other what’s really important.
go of your pride and admit when you are wrong. Don’t be above apologizing first.
most important part of conflict resolution is to never look at it as you verses
him (or her). It’s always the both of you verses the problem. By putting it
into this perspective, finding a solution becomes a learning experience – not
an outlet the pass blame or stimulate guilt. If you’re upset because they
forgot to do something they promised they would, think about finding ways to help
them remember. Make to do lists. Set reminders on your phone. Take gingko
open about finances!
is the most important component for having a successful relationship. The
majority of divorces are due to financial issues, and the leading cause for
women staying in unhealthy/abusive relationships is financial dependence. Most
couple don’t even tell each other about their financial situation until after
they’re married. This is the worst mistake you can make.
open about finances relates directly to honesty. In my previous post, “Why I Despise
Social Media,” I talked about how people flaunt false presumptions of wealth.
The same concept applies for dating in a consumer society. Money often offers
the illusion of love, but if that illusion crumbles, the love might as well. When
I first met Ty, he was basically living out of his car. There was no illusion
of wealth, because he was honest about his situation. Financial honestly implies
accountability, and if there is a lack of one, there is a lack of both.
know his debt, credit score, savings, and income, and he knows mine. We have a
spreadsheet to keep track of all expenses. While money doesn’t buy happiness,
it certainly buys things that make life easier. Like having the bills paid.
Like eating. One of our biggest goals is to someday achieve financial freedom,
but until that day comes, no transaction goes undocumented.
are a give and take, but it’s rarely 50-50. Sometimes one person will pull more
weight than the other. One day it could be 60-40, the next it might be 70-30. When
we went to Europe, I took care of us when his cards stopped working. I was
happy to do so, because I know he’d do the same for me. The give and take
extends beyond monetary value. I wouldn’t be in the position I am now if it
wasn’t for Ty. I’ve been able to focus wholeheartedly on my writing, thanks to
his support and belief in me. He spoils me with encouragement.
off of one paycheck has been a challenge. But just like with long distance,
being broke together has laid another solid foundation to our relationship. They
key lies in acknowledging happiness and temporary situations. All the other
tricks, like communication and accountability, only work if they are
If you’ve been fortunate enough to find someone who you click with, appreciate them and treat them well. Having a successful relationship in the home will beget positivity in other aspects of life. The more successful relationships you have, the better person you’ll become. The more better people there are in the world, the better the world will be. After all, it’s the micro that makes up the macro.